Partially Disgested

Its 9.30am.

This newsletter usually goes out around Midday because its scientifically the time when you (the reader) are most active. However, symbolically, this one goes out at 9.30am because that’s the time I should be passing the starting line of the Leeds Abbey Dash and starting a 10 kilometre run down one of Leeds’ most important roads.

However I am most likely in bed. I have been struck down with a nasty cold that has left me feeling pitifully weak, constantly in pain in the joints and head. I keep coughing. I have slept about 18 hours a day since Wednesday.

I have tested a few times and it keeps coming up negative.

Why am I writing this morose message to you?

Well I feel like I owe you something. We are running out of October and if I leave it any longer this months and next months newsletters will be passing one another on the stairs. So I thought I would tell you some thoughts I’ve had, give you some micro fiction, and then show you a comic I made.

The Importance of Moving Quickly in Mostly Straight Lines

Running has become very important to me over the last two years. First of all, it makes me feel great. I have improved my fitness, lost a lot of weight, and gained a really powerful set of legs. Seriously though, my legs are ridiculous. Sometimes I am forced to look at them and wonder: Who’s legs are these? I am now a massive fan of shorts. Running also sorts my mind out. Its a great way of dealing with frustration. If I am anxious or panicked a run will burn that straight out of me. The sense of peace it gives me has been a revelation and as someone who struggles with sleeping, being properly tired really helps.

On a deeper level though it shows me that I am capable of sticking with something and pushing myself to achieve. I struggle a lot with focus with my ADHD and having a routine, having something simple and reliant only on me that I can just do three times a week helps me see that I’ve done something. Something measurable as well. I have apps that show me distance and times, that set pace and track elevation, and compare my results. I like to see that I can keep doing things which is something that I found impossible in my youth.

When I was younger, I would look for the reason to fail rather than look for a reason to achieve. I remember when I was at University I was doing my first Karate grading I was finding it difficult and rather than stick with it and properly push through to earn that grading I pretended I had a muscle twitch in my leg and used that as an excuse for why I wasn’t very good. I got the belt, but was told that my performance was terrible and that I only passed because the first grading is impossible to fail.

This was a pattern I was stuck in for years. Its easier to not try and have a good reason why you failed than try and open yourself up to the possibility you might just fail. There have been failures by the way in my running career. I have fallen over a lot, broke a pair of glasses, sprained an ankle, got a friction burn on my knee that left a scar, and my personal favourite was the time I pulled a muscle in the final moments of a run and just screamed as I ran the last twenty meters or so.

But I got up and I kept going, and I didn’t pretend to have a leg twitch.

Which is why its so painful for me to have to miss this race. I have done all these stupid things to my body (and beautiful, beautiful legs) and just got up and kept going. But I cannot today. I went to the super market for paracetamol and I felt like I had run a half marathon. Something I can usually do.

So I am sad, reader. I am very very sad.

But then again I watched Guardians of the Galaxy 3 earlier today and my sadness might just be residual depression from watching some weapons grade animal cruelty.

53 Word Stories

My friend got me into the habit of writing 53 word stories recently. There is a website that gives some prompts and you can send them in if you want your writing to be competitive. Here are the two I cooked up for previous months.

Sandcastle

I built my sandcastle around a stone. A lump of especially selected quartz. I did this so when I kick it down I can look at my foot; my broken toes, my black scabbed nails, my swollen flesh, to try and convince myself of the lie that my self destruction only hurts me.

A CONVERSATION OVER DINNER

As the question leaves your lips, I cut a slab of steak and cram it into my mouth. I chew through the thick meat, salt filling my cheeks. I motion with my fork. Laugh. Can’t talk. Mouth full. I’m buying myself time until I must answer and tell you if I love you.

Zine it up

Heres a zine I made. Please enjoy it. It’s not been edited or even scanned that well, so good look with that.

Anyway, thanks for joining us. Please tell your friends to help grow the audience. Do an X, do a post on Bluesky. Email someone. Text someone. Reach out. Life is way too short to deny someone a good mailing list.